From a Fancy Pants School to a No Pants School, with a Pit-stop in Law & Politics

January 2007

The other day I found myself zoning out, entranced by the footage of two men making sweet kisses on eachothers' manholes, lovingly reflecting on my time at XXXX Entertainment.  Would this really be the end of such daily absurdities in my life ... the end of the extraordinary and profane setting the backdrop for my everyday work?  Maybe, as I've taken an editor job with a major media (non-adult) company.  My adventures in gay porn have come to an end and it's time to focus on the next big thing, working towards my goals as a comedy writer.  

In my time at XXXX, I learned so much about people, business, and life.  Waspy seeming folks like myself from fancy pants schools (and I'm certainly not saying that I'm only one with such a background in the biz) for the most part stay away from the adult biz (at least from working in it- as we all know most of these folks are consumers or enjoyers of the smut).  Taking this job was a risk, and only if I had a little more fear and a little less faith in myself, I wouldn't have worked here.  I'm "me" no matter where I go.  Working in the adult industry exposed me to far less grotesque and dishonest situations than my time in law and politics.    The honesty and brash unapologetic nature of the business are perhaps its greatest virtue.

I certainly do not advocate the adult business as a whole, it's just that my experience here knocked a lot of our society's conservative, judgmental success valuations on their ass.  We are a culture dominated by GPAs, standardized testing, and a culture that encourages working at shitty places you don't want to work at just to boost your resume.  The economy has a very strong ability to douchbagify otherwise good people- people whose motivations become tainted by absurd ideals, in a society where it seems half the country is going to law school for no other reason than aimless ambition.  After all, this is a society where people pay money for absolutely terrible looking logo emblazoned Louis Vuitton bags.

In my last words as XXXX Entertainment's Publicity Director, I hope the press comes to embrace XXXX as the star he deserves to be.  There is no one on Earth quite like him.  XXXX is one of the few people in the world with a truly unique perspective and fresh, original world view.

I don't and never will agree with everything that XXXX has to say nor agree with the things he does.  But there's not a person alive who I could endorse 100 percent, not even myself.  After all, to err is human.  And yes, as his famous reputation suggests, XXXX is an asshole.  But for every ounce of motherfucker in XXXX is an equally delightful ounce waiting to be discovered.  He's one of the strongest, most outspoken members of the gay community, and one of the most tasteful, progressive, and artful producers of erotic entertainment.  His advances in adult film will do more to influence the quality and arguably the atmosphere of the adult industry than anything that's happened since the invention of the DVD.  Just watch XXXX and you'll see what I mean.

And if you're wondering why I'm going on and on like this, well ... there's really enough to fill a book, so I've been writing one.  Keep an eye out for "The Devil Wears Magnums" (the Heather Reznor story) at a Barnes and Noble near you.

All future XXXX matters should be directed to XXX (who I hand selected for his delightfulness and skill) or XXXX (who also kicks ass).  XXXX@XXXX.COM

PS- My real name is XXXX, and you can keep up with me on my personal site, 

The "+":
  • An opus to nopuss.
  • An endorsement to indoorsmen.
  • Visit her personal site here.

The "-":
  • Makes me feel lame in comparison.
  • I would feel closer to you if you had said that the amount of motherfuckness in your boss moderately outweighed the amount of delight in your boss.


Anonymous said...

Are hard core pornographers allowed to reflect abstractly on society? Shouldn't they just focus on the task at hand? This was a state of the nation speech delivered by a Winston Churchill-like figure in an all-rubber suit.

Anonymous said...

"PS- My real name is XXXX"
So even as a non-performer in the porno industry, this employee used a pseudonym amongst colleagues?

Anonymous said...

absolutely nothing about this blog makes any sense. the premise that these emails are even interesting enough to make a "blog" of is completely absurd, your awful ms paint drawings are just ugly and then, your commentary!? what the fuck? seriously. how can you pretend to have an opinion about emails this dull? THIS MAKES NO SENSE.

oh... and the addition of the weirdly slutty (slash boring) profile picture is also a complete non sequitur.

Heather Fink said...

Don't been mean to this site owner. You are just a catty little jerk!

That's my letter, and yes you use fake names so that nobody can google your past and so people don't have issues finding jobs after porn. But I don't mind, it hasn't hurt me.

I worked in porn PR for 2 years, and have been doing other rewarding things with my life for the past 3 years. So don't call me a "pornographer" it was a job, not a thing I define myself as! Anyhow, I wrote a lot cause the job was so involved and I dunno, I was inspired.

Anonymous said...

How can you not find this last-day email fascinating?

I am going to leave all of my jobs with the final line: "ps. My real name is XXXXX."

Anonymous said...


Ying, I like your last post there. Very funny, but it is lame to comment positively on your own site. Or are you involved with a circle of people just as lame as you? Equally likely I'd say.

And as for Heather, I'm sorry that you worked in porn, that is probably way embarrassing. But not enough for you to maintain your anonymity? Gross. "I don't define myself by it" bla bla bla, isnt that what everyone says? Lady, starbucks is always hiring.

Good luck with this ridiculous site. And for the last time: "last day emails" = not a thing. Not a thing. They have no form. There are no parameters to explore. Most people don't even send emails when they leave work, usually another person in the office does and wishes them well on their "future endeavors." Seriously.

Also, I will stand by my criticism that your "comments" on these emails are inane and boring and nonsensical as fuck.

Anonymous said...

Haha! Ying's profile picture is "slutty"? What are you a fucking Mormon? Did you grow up in Saudi Arabia? "OMG! Her skirt falls ABOVE THE KNEES! She's showing her -- gasp! -- naked ankles! And in pumps no less! She must be a woman of low moral fiber!" One can only hope Ying's family is able to live with the shame.

And "Starbucks is always hiring"? Really? That's what you come with? Have you considered starting your own blog? Don't you think that the whole world should have access to your razor-sharp wit?

Ying -- two days and you already have a regular troll. That's success, no?

Anonymous said...

congratulations! this site has been discovered by at least one ineffectual, middling, desperately impotent and overlooked biglaw associate turned keyboard warrior. could he be the only one out there? surely not.

Billy Belman said...

Hey Anonymous -- by your use of the word "biglaw," you've let on that you work in biglaw yourself. No one outside of this world uses that word.

Innefectual, Middling, Desperately Impotent and Overlooked Biglaw Associated Turned Keyboard Warrior #3

Last Day Emails said...

Don't be mean to Heather Fink, Anonymous! Keep aiming your cattiness at my sexual immorality, website, and penchant for non-sequiturs, please.

(P.S. I love you.)