Attorney Says Adieu to "Gossips, Backstabbers and Napoleonic Personalities"

From:  XXXX
Sent:  Thursday, May 27, 2004 1:11 PM
Subject:  Goodbye...

As many of you are aware, today is my last day at the firm.  It is time for me to move on and I want you to know that I have accepted a position as "Trophy Husband".  This decision was quite easy and took little consideration.  However, I am confident this new role represents a welcome change in my life and a step up from my current situation.

While I have a high degree of personal respect for XXXX as a law firm, and I have made wonderful friendships during my time here, I am no longer comfortable working for a group largely populated by gossips, backstabbers and Napoleonic personalities.  In fact, I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a piñata and beaten than remain with this group any longer.  I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.

May the smoke from any bridges I burn today be seen far and wide.

 P.S. "Achilles absent, was Achilles still." Homer

The "+":

  • The email starts off disarmingly and playfully, throws in a couple of obligatory platitudes, then somehow, just when our attention begins to wander and our eyes glaze over, we are bombarded with not one, not two, but three mind-blowing missiles of barbed truthiness that resonate so profoundly that we find ourselves exclaiming, "Yes, yes, yes!  I would sooooo rather have been dressed up like a piñata and been beaten than have to come to the office this morning!"  Masterful, just masterful.

The "-":

  • If this was sent off at 1:11 PM, didn't it make the rest of the workday kind of awkward?
  • Sure, you don't need to socialize and fraternize with working stiffs anymore, Achilles, but the "aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks" still want to meet up at the Irish bar down the street later, grab a couple of farewell drinks, and get their Agamemnon.


Anonymous said...

No doubt this email led to a hurried partner meeting.

Also, "get their Agamemnon." Haha!

Last Day Emails said...

Whew, I'm glad you liked that! I know sometimes my puns can be a bit much.