Best Attachment to a Departure Email Ever

From: XXXX
Sent: Friday, April 09, 2004 4:47 PM
Subject: Adieu

As many of you have probably already heard, I have accepted an in-house position at XXXX here in Kansas City beginning April 26. My last day at the firm will be April 16.

Over the years I have seen many resignation e-mails and couldn't really come up with anything original to say, so for those of you who were wanting a more in-depth resignation, I have attached a do-it-yourself resignation memo....enjoy.

In all seriousness, I have truly enjoyed my time here and want to thank you all for making this such a great place to learn the practice of law.


TO:The Firm
DATE:April 9, 2004

    After ___[1]___, I have decided to leave XXXX in order to ___[2]___.  While this was not an easy decision for me, ___[3]___.  I have ___[4]___ my time here and will ___[5]___.  XXXX has been ___[6]___ and I will always ___[7]___.  I look forward to ___[8]___ and wish you all ___[9]___.  Until ___[10]___, I bid you all adieu.

a.    thoughtful consideration
b.    the flip of an “Arkansas – Jewel of the Ozarks” commemorative quarter
c.    years of searching for a way out
d.    a couple shots of Wild Turkey
e.    recovering from my bout of amnesia and remembering I never went to law school

a.    accept an in-house position
b.    pursue an acting career – look for me next season on “Saved by the Bell-the Prison Years” as Zach, the all-American boy next door turned crack dealer turned prison ho
c.    abandon my alter-ego and devote all my time to my super hero duties
d.    live off the generosity of others (i.e. Tina)
e.    be able to sleep at night

a.    I feel it is the right one
b.    the Magic Eight Ball is never wrong
c.    it wasn’t exactly rocket science either
d.    it was easier than hanging around until somebody realized I wasn’t doing anything
e.    stock options are hard to resist

a.    thoroughly enjoyed
b.    cautiously endured
c.    already forgotten most of
d.    surfed the internet a lot during
e.    miraculously survived

a.    miss all of you I have come to know
b.    never look back
c.    remember the little people I crawled over on my way to the top
d.    miss the free booze
e.    eagerly await the tears of sorrow when you hear I am leaving

a.    a great place to learn the practice of law from some of the best
b.    very punctual with my pay checks
c.    a benevolent master to this flying monkey
d.    by far the best law firm I’ve ever worked for
e.    the source of my indigestion

a.    value my experience here
b.    be thankful I wasn’t sued for malpractice
c.    keep garlic and a crucifix nearby
d.    think back fondly when using my frequent flyer miles
e.    believe the children are our future

a.    working with many of you in the future
b.    getting out of here alive
c.    retirement
d.    the next episode of The Apprentice
e.    being the client (wa-ha-ha-ha)
a.    the best of luck in your future endeavors
b.    had gotten me a going away gift
c.    would kiss my a**
d.    were coming with me
e.    could appreciate how funny this memo is

a.    our paths cross again
b.    I get fired and come begging for my job back
c.    hell freezes over
d.    the next firm-sponsored event with an open bar
e.    I need a competent lawyer to fix something I’ve screwed up

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